


Kink, Cuddles and Shame

by Vorvayne



Series: People Are Hard [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: BDSM, Bondage, Breathplay, Cuddles, Knife Play, M/M, knife porn, the title is just really fucking accurate okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 02:51:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vorvayne/pseuds/Vorvayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji and Byakuya have their shit together these days. </p>
<p>Maybe. Sort of. </p>
<p>In private, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kink, Cuddles and Shame

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lucymonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucymonster/gifts).



> The original plan for this was to write a quick bit of knife porn for my beloved Lucymonster's birthday. Then it...got longer. 
> 
> In fact it's still not finished, but given that it's a fairly casual day-in-the-life sort of fic, not over-encumbered with lots of plot or angst or anything, I decided to just post some of it now, while it can still plausibly be a birthday/christmas present. I hope you like it, Lucy, you deserve all of the good things. 
> 
> Many thanks to junko for helpful comments and encouragement, and taydev and thecopperscales for cheerleading.

Really, the only thing that would make this day better is if Renji could slip his hand into Byakuya’s as they walk. But Byakuya’s still sortof paranoid about people _knowing_ , and though Renji finds it a bit sad that he can’t just idly lean in for a kiss in public, he also doesn’t envy Byakuya his scary Aunt Suza, who keeps threatening to drag him to a surprise wedding.  

He figures they’ll get there. Hell, it’s only been four months since he left that party at the eleventh early, tipsy and irritated with himself, and decided that he was just going to be really upfront about it with Byakuya before he drove himself any more nuts with looking and wanting. He’d figured that at least if Byakuya said no he could get a life and stop wondering what his captain looked like naked, hair loose, a smile on his face maybe.

Well, he knows now. Fucking breathtaking is what it is, worth every crazy moment that got them here. Byakuya’s fingers brush against the back of Renji’s hand as he heads past to something he’s seen on one of the market stalls, and that subtle acknowledgement is enough. That and the fact that Byakuya awkwardly invited him here, to the Seireitei quarterly crafts market

 So far, they’ve bumped into Ukitake (who takes great delight in giving them knowing smiles, and if Renji didn’t know better he’d say it was just for the uncomfortable look on Byakuya’s face) and Rukia, enthusing over little glass paintings of animals. There’s plenty of other shinigami here, and though Renji wonders what they think of Byakuya at a market with his lieutenant, he’s sure Byakuya has some sort of explanation. And maybe, if they’re seen to be friends for a while, people will expect them to sit close. Renji know he’s rubbish at keeping the besotted look off his face, or so Rukia tells him.

Even Rukia looks happier. He figures maybe dinner is a bit more convivial with three people at it, and Renji has somehow managed to get Byakuya going home early enough that Rukia can wait on them. He’s not entirely sure how he managed that, but exactly nothing disastrous has happened - and, as a bonus, they’ve stopped having sex in Byakuya’s office. There’s a desk in Byakuya’s suite if they’re feeling in the mood for that sort of thing, and then there’s a bed within staggering distance.

And Byakuya’s bed is both stupidly comfortable, and has bars at the top and bottom. They haven’t exactly got around to it yet - it feels so new still that most of the time they’re too impatient and _hungry_ for much of the elaborate stuff, or it’s been a long-ass day and they’re exhausted, holding on and melting into sleepy orgasms. But Renji has _ideas_ , even if they haven’t got around to implementing them yet.

 He’s so busy thinking about this that he almost misses Byakuya holding a small hand-carved knife, running his thumb bare millimeters away from the blade, feeling its sharpness with his reiatsu.

 Renji finds himself completely unable to move. Byakuya turns the knife carefully in his hands, and Renji swallows, face warm. He ought to turn away before someone notices, really, but he can't: all he can do is watch Byakuya and imagine the knife trailing cool and sharp over his skin, and bite down on the moan that wants to rise from his throat.

And - yeah, okay, that might have been one of his ideas. He didn't expect it to reduce him to a pile of incoherent goo, though. Still, it's not as if he has much to go on; this is one of the very few things he hasn't actually done before with other people. Except that one time with Yumichika, but he wasn't on the receiving end then. He and Yumichika worked their way through a long and interesting list of kinks back in the day, though Byakuya doesn't exactly know that because he already looks at Yumichika's casual affection as if he'd really like to say something about it. _Chire, Senbonzakura_ , for example. Renji wouldn't lie if asked, of course, but talking about past lovers isn't something they've exactly got around to.

 Byakuya looks right at Renji then, as if he could feel himself being looked at, and though he's inquisitive for a moment (still holding that damn knife, and if Byakuya doesn't buy it then Renji will at this rate), Renji can spot the exact moment when he figures out what's up. He places the knife down and beckons Renji over with one imperious head-toss, which doesn't really do much in the way of making Renji want to jump him less. He heads over anyway. Byakuya sweeps his gaze over Renji, down then back up, and there's a slight quirk at the corner of his mouth that might be a smile if they were alone.

"The knife?" he asks quietly. "Truly?"

Renji swallows, clears his throat. "Yeah," he says, trying to make his voice sound normal and missing by a country mile. "I told you, remember?"

Byakuya blinks for maybe just a bit longer than necessary. "I recall. In your apartment, the night we - "

"Fixed things?" Renji tries. Though honestly it sits in his head labeled 'the night we nearly had sex on Ukitake's floor'. He can't point this out in public, but there's a kind of thrill to be having a perfectly ordinary-sounding conversation that no one knows the meaning of but them.

Maybe there's a slight softening around Byakuya's eyes, then. "Yes." He turns to the stall owner, who is waiting expectantly. "I will take this," he says decisively, indicating the knife, and Renji squashes the desire to throw his arms around Byakuya's waist and kiss his neck. He can thank Byakuya later.

  
  


He gets his chance when they're sitting in Byakuya's carriage. They could just shunpo, but Byakuya waved him off with a comment about taking his other purchases back to the manor. Which is exactly the sort of thing Byakuya normally leaves to his servants, but then the minute the carriage door is closed behind them Byakuya pulls Renji close and kisses him as if he's been waiting all day for this. Unlike all the other stuff he bought - vases and tapestries and one statue for the garden and a large version of one of the glass paintings for Rukia's bedroom - the knife sits in its small case in Byakuya's pocket.

Which is brilliant, except that Renji is rapidly losing his mind, and by the time they get home likely the only thing he's going to be able to think about is sitting on top of Byakuya and riding him until they're both exhausted.

Byakuya pulls back for a moment. "I can think of a way we can have a productive discussion about this," he says, and pulls Renji on top of him. Which is productive, Renji thinks as he grinds his hips in circles and smothers moans against Byakuya's mouth, but it's not a discussion. "On your knees," Byakuya growls in his ear, hand snaking round to grasp Renji's ponytail.

 He's still not seeing how this will lead to conversation, but he's also given up caring, choosing to work on pulling aside the many folds of Byakuya's clothing instead till he can take Byakuya's cock in his mouth. Sometimes Byakuya is forceful about it - which Renji fucking loves, of course, even better if he's being held down and struggling to breathe, when he can't do anything except close his eyes and try to relax his throat and just lose himself in being what Byakuya wants. But this time the hand in his hair is guiding, and he has free reign to throw himself into this, hands around Byakuya's hips because he's allowed, today. It's been four months and his muscles remember exactly how Byakuya likes it, surprisingly wet and messy for someone so put together, most of the time. Renji opens his eyes and looks up; Byakuya isn't put together right now, even if afterwards he has this great trick of looking completely undisturbed. His head is tipped back and resting against the back wall of the carriage, mouth open and eyes closed. He's not making much noise, but the harsh breathing tells Renji everything he needs to know.

Byakuya opens his eyes then and looks down, catching Renji's gaze. A hand snakes down to cup Renji's jaw, and then Byakuya pulls Renji all the way down onto his cock by increments, holds him there, holds his gaze. Renji swallows; he can't breathe, he's painfully hard, and the dawning dizziness is just making everything feel _more_. Byakuya just looks at him, eyes black. "Make yourself come."

Byakuya waits until Renji's shaking hand has found its way underneath his hakama and round his cock, beginning to stroke, before he draws back to allow Renji a single gasped breath. Then he pulls Renji down again, tugs him back, moving Renji's head instead of his own hips while Renji struggles to breathe and thrusts into his hand in helpless jerks. It's a minute or two of total overwhelm, and Renji's glad his voice is muffled otherwise the driver and half the street would be hearing him, before Byakuya's orgasm follows Renji's and Renji collapses against Byakuya's legs, still breathing hard.

He hears Byakuya clearing his throat, then some quiet rustling, before he manages to look up. Byakuya looks...a bit flushed, but otherwise basically unaffected, whereas Renji would lay bets that he looks like he's been kicked out of a bar. Eh, no help for it: Byakuya's got _poise_ \- he probably got told hundreds of times to sit up straight and not fidget and stuff when he was a kid - and Renji...hasn't. He hasn't got hair that does exactly what he tells it, either.

Renji rubs his face and tries to kick his brain into gear. "So...how was that a 'productive discussion', again?" He tries to fake an unimpressed look, but it's probably a lost cause given that he feels more like passing out happily in Byakuya's lap.

Byakuya's mouth twists. "I was hoping that if we got that out of our systems, then we'd have the presence of mind for an entire conversation," he explains - which, yeah, okay, they've tried this sort of thing before and didn't get very far before all intelligent thought was sacrificed for the friction of skin on skin. "But I think...I may have got somewhat carried away," he says, eyeing Renji.

"Mm," Renji manages, and clambers back up onto the seat of the carriage. "S'okay, though," he says against Byakuya's shoulder. "Was hot."

Renji knows Byakuya well enough to interpret the slight shake of his shoulders and awkward cough as smothered laughter. He grins, closes his eyes, and allows the motion of the carriage to lull him to sleep.

 

-

 

Renji falls asleep on Byakuya's shoulder, easy as breathing. Byakuya has always envied him this ability to fall asleep so swiftly and stay that way; though Renji's presence in Byakuya's bed has improved his insomnia, and falling asleep is rarely an issue, he still wakes in the middle of the night with regularity. Renji doesn't know this, since he's quite capable of sleeping through an earthquake, but once or twice Byakuya has risen to fetch a glass of water or remove a layer of too-warm clothing, and on his return Renji will wrap both arms around him and mumble something like _sshhhhh, sleep, love_ in his ear.

Still, Byakuya had rather hoped they'd both be awake enough to talk about the knife. Byakuya would be the first to admit - in the privacy of his own mind, of course - that he doesn't really know what he's doing, though he has plenty of ideas. Most of them involve seeing how much of a puddle he can make of Renji using only the knife, and perhaps a blindfold; if his stunning reaction at the market is any indication, the results will be impressive and satisfying. He cannot just act, however. This is another thing like breathplay, where it's best to discuss first, at least once.

The breathplay conversation was...awkward, but Byakuya survived it with both dignity and person intact, so he is willing to repeat the experience. And in reality, all the discomfort was his own; he has still not entirely ceased to worry about why he finds it so appealing to watch Renji's face as he struggles for breath. He was unwilling to indulge himself until Renji pointed out that if there were some sort of accident and he passed out, Byakuya would let him go immediately and ensure he were breathing normally. Which is exactly true, and a little comforting.

He is just going to have to get used to the idea that he enjoys  his lover struggling and choking and in pain. It has been eighteen weeks, and no calamity has befallen them yet. Well, his aunt Suza is very much a calamity all by herself, but she is not Renji's fault. He entertains himself briefly by imagining the look on her face should she discover Renji, and what they get up to in Byakuya's suite (and carriage - and, previously, _office_ ), but though the diversion is amusing it's also frighteningly plausible. If anyone else in his family were to discover Renji...or Byakuya's peculiar tastes...

Byakuya drives nails into his palm, and takes a deep breath. The carriage is slowing; they're home. Byakuya uses their last moment of privacy to nudge Renji off his shoulder and kiss him awake.

Renji rubs his eyes. "Mmneh?" He makes some nonsensical, half-awake noise.

Byakuya tilts his jaw up and moves his hands from his eyes. "We are home. Endeavour to look alert: I imagine dinner has been awaiting our return."

Renji shakes his head a few times, which appears to help with the alertness but does nothing for his hair. Well, at least it is tied back, and Byakuya must admit that he enjoys the wild look of his lover. Not for dinner, however.

Which is a somewhat truncated affair; Rukia chats amicably, and Renji does his best, but he's clearly not entirely together. Byakuya attempts to cover his more obvious distracted moments, but in truth Rukia does not seem to mind. The staff have become used to serving some of Renji's favourites; he did not let them know that Renji would be present, but it seems they have started keeping at hand the things he prefers.

The whole household has become used to Renji's regular presence astonishingly quickly - especially Byakuya himself. They don't always sleep together, and Byakuya finds himself missing Renji's warmth on those nights more and more. He would just move Renji in, were it not for the questions it would raise. He cannot, will not allow anyone to take Renji from him, and he knows his family would try.

He is not at all sure he wants to find out how far he would go to keep Renji.

"Nii-sama?" Rukia is looking at him, concern on her face.

"I missed what you said," he admits, blinking.

"I was just saying that you don't need to stay up for me," she says, between bites. "I have plans this evening."

He makes an affirmative noise, hoping he did not appear too impolite in his distraction. _This is the effect you have on me, Renji_. Byakuya looks over and shares a look with Renji, who takes his hand briefly under the table. Byakuya holds on, brings their joined hands on top of the table: he will do as he pleases in his own house. He will not make Renji hide here.

They stand in approximate unison. The look on Rukia’s face is not readily comprehensible, but resembles her expression when encoutnering her beloved rabbits. “We will retire for the evening, then,” Byakuya says.

“Night, Rukia,” Renji says, enveloping her in a hug. In his tight grasp, she looks almost unbearably tiny, and for a moment is so like Hisana that Byakuya’s throat hurts. Renji’s eyes are determinedly closed and he’s holding on, as if she’s going to be whisked away before morning.

Eventually Renji lets go, the feeling passes, and she is Byakuya’s sister again, shorter hair and sharper eyes than the woman in his memory.

Byakuya reaches for Renji’s hand once more as they turn to leave.

 

-

 

They sit in relaxed fudoza on Byakuya's bed for a bit, knife still in its case on the bedside table.

Renji decide to just blurt it out. "We should probably make a safeword for this," he says. Byakuya looks...pained, but that's probably just because he's terrible at these sorts of conversations. Still, he seems to be doing at least a bit better than last time, where he had to take lots of deep breaths while they figured out a signal for 'stop' if Renji was going to not be able to talk. It's 'grab Byakuya's wrist'. But that's not going to work if Renji can't move his arms, and he's really hoping they'll get around to that.

Byakuya nods. "Do you have a suggestion?"

Renji shrugs. He’d given a little thought to something personal, but honestly, he might be too out of it for that. Zabimaru had suggested their own name, but he’s not sure about that one. “Maybe just ‘safeword’? It’s easy to remember. Uh. Just to warn you - I might be a bit of a mess by the end, depending on how you take it. But, you know, that can be good…” He looks up hopefully. The words _please make a mess of me_ don’t want to come out, maybe because this is Byakuya, Byakuya who nearly _broke them up_ because he had a dream about tearing Renji to pieces and liking it. Renji just wishes it’d been a shared dream.

Byakuya’s frowning, but it’s more thoughtful than anything else. “I will attend you afterwards, of course,” he declares. And then, a little more hesitantly, “Is there...anything I should steer clear of?”

Renji has a pretty good handle on where most of his _Nope_ buttons are, generally, but he’s never done this before. “Don’t cut me, all right? I mean, not today or whatever. That’s...a different sortof headspace.” Today he wants fear and violence, not the zenlike floating feeling of a thing like being cut, nor the careful attention it would require from Byakuya. 

Byakuya looks almost offended; Renji is put in mind of an owl irritably re-folding its feathers. He lifts the knife, and Renji swallows. “If I were going to - cut you,” he says, examining the knife, “I would use Senbonzakura.” Most of Renji’s mind just goes completely blank for several seconds as he tries to process this. Byakuya would use _Senbonzakura_ \- and he’s not sure whether he’s more overwhelmed by how hot that is, or how shockingly intimate. “I have more perfect control over its blades, and they are sharper,” he continues. 

Renji attempts an encouraging noise but it comes out as more of a quiet gurgle. He takes a breath and tries again, though he’s rapidly getting fed up with the fact that they’re still talking instead of doing. “Yeah,” he tries. “That’d be - yeah. Sometime.”

They sortof stare at each other for a bit, and then Renji decides that it’s time to get the show on the road: he leans forward, and kisses Byakuya. There’s the familiar thrill that runs up his spine, and he wonders if he’s ever going to get used to the idea that he’s allowed to do this basically whenever, at least if they’re alone. Byakuya returns the kiss carefully, as if he’s still thinking about something. 

He pulls back a few inches, hand still on Renji’s jaw. “You will tell me if…” and clearly he intends to find the end of his sentence, but Renji drops a kiss on his palm and says, “I will, so have at it, okay?” 

Byakuya looks at him, face unreadable, but Renji finds there's something tight in his chest anyway _. I love you_ , Renji thinks, not entirely sure why it came to mind just now. He hasn't said so since that evening at Ukitake's house, in case Byakuya felt like he had to say it back - and Renji knows that'll be a hard one, given his history. It's okay, if Byakuya's going to keep looking at him like this. 

Byakuya slips one hand round Renji's neck, closes Renji's eyes gently with the other, and leans in for a kiss - and already Renji's falling.

 

-

 

It is difficult to breathe when Byakuya draws back. He can still feel his desire, banked somewhere at the base of his spine, but what's more prominent is this lightheaded feeling. He wants to haul Renji under the covers and hold him close, push him down against the bed and lie on top, press their foreheads together and breathe till his chest settles. They've done it before; Renji wraps all his limbs round Byakuya and makes soft noises in his throat, and it's a little strange, a little uncomfortable, because even afterwards when his eyes are closed against Renji's neck, it still doesn't feel like he can get close enough. 

There is time enough for that, later. There is time enough for everything they want, if only Byakuya can convince himself to believe it. 

Byakuya reaches into the drawer in his bedside table, and withdraws a length of black silk he's been keeping aside. He wraps it around Renji's eyes, ties it at the back, and the slight shiver from Renji seems to unlock something. His heartbeat increases, and he sits with it for a minute, waiting and feeling for how he wants to take this.

_Have at it._ Always, always Renji gives him permission to indulge the violent, savage thing that bites at his insides - even to take pleasure in it. Still he feels as though it is a gift that may be taken away at any time, this acceptance. And yet Renji waits patiently, eyes still closed.

So Byakuya reaches forward, runs one palm down Renji's chest down to his hakama, and begins to remove Renji's clothes carefully. Renji's skin is warm, tanned: he is a creature of the sun. Some of the heat from his skin seems to pass through Byakuya's fingertips and fill his whole body, and once Renji is undressed he loosens his grip on himself, nips at Renji's neck and traces nails across his wide shoulders.

Renji leans into the contact, and Byakuya knows what he wants then.

He rummages in the drawer again, and draws out some silk rope. A part of him is uncertain; though they've spoken about this, and Renji has declared his enthusiasm, he is blindfolded, and won't be expecting...

_Have at it_ , Byakuya reminds himself. _I might be a bit of a mess by the end...don't cut me_. What is Renji expecting? Did he think Byakuya cut him without warning? Nevermind that the image of raising a single one of Senbonzakura's blades and dragging it lightly across Renji's skin to leave a thin trail of blood makes him shake.

Just not yet. First, this experiment. He has bound Renji's wrists briefly before, mostly with his own hands but once or twice with his scarf. He has bitten, scratched, slapped Renji, choked him and thrown him around. All of these things are established and safe. He suspects that Renji would like him to...push things, a little.

"Kneel," he instructs. Then he draws Renji's hands behind his back and begins to wrap the rope around them. He has not studied shibari, and the lack of expertise is disconcerting, but it is not challenging to find a simple pattern that works. Renji's sharp intake of breath helps, too, especially when he begins to wrap the rope around his ankles, too, criss-cross fashion. When he ties the rope off, Renji probably can't move much, and is definitely stuck kneeling.

He kisses Renji again then, lightly, and receives a soft noise of complaint when he draws back. Renji is hard already, from so little touch, but in fairness Byakuya is faring no better. His patience is wearing thin. He lifts the knife once more, and places the point against the hollow of Renji's throat, light as a breath. Renji twitches, seems to realise this is a bad idea, and takes a deep breath instead, body straining with the effort of staying still.

"Tell me your safeword."

"S-safeword," Renji manages, though his voice is slurred and a little shaky. Byakuya hums in affirmation, and begins to trail the point across Renji's collarbone and down his sternum. Renji's breaths are shallow, high in his chest, and his jaw tenses with every change in direction. Drawing  the point more firmly down his inner thigh draws the first sound of pain from him, and Byakuya drinks it in, repeats the action, and again, and again on the other leg, then removes the knife. Renji tries to catch his breath.

Byakuya gives him no time; adding a touch of shunpo to his movement, he slips behind Renji, one hand lifting his jaw and the knife pressed against his throat. Renji jerks, then lets out a long moan and relaxes his head against Byakuya's shoulder. Byakuya finds himself growling in Renji's ear as Renji offers his throat, and there's a peaceful expression on his face that satisfies some deep desire in Byakuya. It's the same expression he makes when Byakuya stops his breath: waiting, entirely at ease with Byakuya being so close to ending his life, if he wished.

Byakuya threads his other hand through Renji's hair and makes a fist, and Renji tips his head back further, exposing his throat with a sharp intake of breath. Even though there's a knife at his throat, he offers himself to Byakuya. How can it be all right, that in response to such trust, Byakuya only wants to hurt him more?

_I want to tear you to shreds. I want you to scream and bleed and come for me._ Byakuya keeps his grip firm in Renji's hair then slides the knife down his body. Goosebumps raise wherever the cold edge touches,and Byakuya spends a while pressing the blade down - but not dragging sideways to cut - against Renji's hip because of the way Renji's body trembles with the effort of not jerking his hips. The low sounds from his throat become slowly hoarser, and when Byakuya places the knife down to strike Renji's thigh, they turn into moans of pain. And then Byakuya is caught between caution and abandon, drinking in Renji's responses and not pushing too hard, too fast. He keeps striking, deepening his breaths to keep them slow, controlled. Control the body; the mind will follow.

Keeping his breathing banked does nothing to slow the burning arousal. He grips Renji tight and bites down just below his jaw, savouring his flinch. Renji struggles a little, involuntary, trying to cope with the pain, and Byakuya might release him a little if it weren't for the strangled cry when he runs a thumb over the tip of Renji's cock.

He picks the knife up again and slices the knot that binds Renji's wrists to his ankles, then pushes him forwards on to the bed, wrists still tied together behind his back so he lands on his shoulders, face pressed against the sheets. Byakuya holds Renji down by the back of his neck, nails curving round and digging into the sides, while his other hand reaches for lubricant and then pulls aside the clothes he hasn’t bothered even to loosen. 

He has enough leverage, here, to bury himself inside Renji, closing his eyes for a long moment to reach for something resembling composure. Then he pulls Renji upright by the hair, picks up the knife, and braces the blunt edge hard against Renji's neck. The position forces Renji's spine into a backwards arch, and Byakuya holds him there while he thrusts, elbow against Renji's shoulder. Byakuya digs in with the nails of his other hand and scratches wherever he can reach, hips thighs ribs chest, leaving red lines and clawing out pain noises. Renji's legs are beginning to buckle as he struggles to catch a full breath with his head tipped so far back.

Renji is entirely gone, dragged down to a place of pure reaction, and it makes Byakuya's blood burn. Byakuya stops scratching, wraps his arm around Renji's shoulder and grasps his jaw. He uses the knife to slice off the blindfold and holds it there, and he can feel the moment Renji opens his eyes to see the point inches from his face.

"Don't move," Byakuya says. Renji swallows and takes a breath, and Byakuya turns the knife, placing the sharp edge gently against Renji's throat, holding him still with both arms as he begins to move again. Renji holds his breath, holds himself still, doesn't make a sound despite his thundering heartbeat and how sore his whole body must be by now. Byakuya doesn't know if it's fear or obedience but it tastes like both, and with orgasm approaching he has to turn the knife over or risk injuring Renji because his arms are less than perfectly still.

The minute he presses the blunt edge against Renji's jaw, Renji's legs give out and he falls forward, pulling Byakuya with him as he makes some animal noise and comes violently, thrashing as much as he can. Byakuya holds onto Renji firmly, and his own orgasm is a strange thing, obliterating every thought in his head  for drawn-out seconds before he collapses onto his forearms, throwing the knife aside. He takes a few breaths there, then pushes himself upright.   
  
Renji lying on his side shaking visibly, and when Byakuya moves he curls in on himself, pressing his face against the sheets. Byakuya experiences a single moment of pure panic, then wrenches himself out of it to unbind Renji’s wrists. Thus freed, Renji shuffles closer to Byakuya, settling into a foetal position. Byakuya swallows, and covers him with a duvet.

When he stands, Renji makes a noise of protest.

Byakuya reprimands his heart for beating so fast, orders it to calm itself. He runs fingers softly through Renji’s hair. “I will be right back. You need something to drink.” Perhaps something to eat as well, if that is what the shaking means. _I will attend you afterwards_ , he promised. He just...expected to have more of an idea what to _do_. Clearly, leaving is a bad idea, but equally, Renji requires at the very least a drink.

He pads swiftly to the door, and beckons a passing servant. “I require tea, water, and whatever food can be procured from the kitchen immediately. Tell Sumaya to bring them; he may come in.”

Byakuya does not know the girl’s name - she must be new - but she bows and hurries off, so Byakuya goes back inside and hastily tidies away the rope and knife. Sumaya may be impeccably loyal and discreet, but there are some things he does not need to see. Byakuya decides to skip the task of changing into more appropriate nightwear, and slips into bed next to Renji, who is almost entirely hiding under the covers. He’s still shaking, and when Byakuya settles he immediately attaches himself to Byakuya’s side.

“I...are you all right?” He wraps one arm around Renji, who nods against his shoulder, but doesn’t say anything else. So Byakuya sits and strokes his hair and swallows around the tightness in his throat. Fights the voice that says he is a monster, that only some twisted deviant would make such a mess of his lover; tries to remember Renji warning him that this was a possibility, Renji telling him months ago how much he wanted this, Renji insisting that he’d say something if he was not all right.

Still he hopes Renji will come back to himself quickly.

There’s a knock at the door. “Come in.”

Sumaya enters with a tray of tea and a plate of small pastries of some description. “Would you like this on the table, Kuchiki-sama?” He allows his gaze to flick swiftly across the scene, but his facial expression does not change. He knows about Renji, of course, so the red hair spilling all over the covers is not a surprise.

“Yes,” Byakuya says, and waits for him to leave before reaching over and pouring some tea with a generous spoon of honey in it. He turns back to his Renji: perhaps the shaking is a little diminished? “You should sit up a little and drink this.”

To his relief, Renji moves; Byakuya helps as best he can and eventually Renji is half-sitting, still nestled insistently against Byakuya’s side, cradling his tea in unsteady hands. His eyes, Byakuya notices, are red-rimmed. His arm around Renji’s shoulders holds a little tighter.

Renji takes a long drink of tea and looks at Byakuya. “I am okay, you know.” His voice is definitely not back to normal yet, but nevertheless, miles of tension in Byakuya’s chest uncoils. `

“Good,” Byakuya says. Then suddenly he has a lapfull of Renji, kissing him over and over with impressive enthusiasm given his trembling muscles. Then Renji flops down onto him again, buries his face in Byakuya’s neck.

“For the record, that was amazing,” he mumbles, breathing deepening already. Byakuya slips both arms around his waist and turns them both on their side. And it’s as Renji falls swiftly asleep against Byakuya’s shoulder that Byakuya finally relaxes, because Renji is all right. The last of his concern evaporates, and all he can feel is warmth and the steadiness of his breath and the pull of gravity as he sinks into sleep.

 


End file.
